História A new restart - Capítulo 3

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Capítulo 3 - Tape 9,Side A

Guilt, dear ones, is the most terrible burden anyone can carry. I know that. The guilt of not having done anything, the guilt that having done it wrong, the guilt that we could have acted differently and not. no one, I saw, took it so seriously, perhaps with the exception of me, as a boy, that I'll be honest to still call him a friend, even with all the bullshit he did, with all the drugs that stupid hot list or not be caused. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the third of the triad FML: Alex, now it's your turn
And the guilt you feel about me maybe leaving. And the surprise that you know I'm alive, actually. Where, who knows? As I've said, I may be watching each of you closely, but without you seeing that it's me. "I know what's going on in high school, and I managed not to be late. Only one person knows that. And Alex, what the hell is that? Did you really think drowning in the pool or shooting yourself in the forehead would alleviate anything?" Well… though… who am I to teach morals in that sense? ”I cut my wrists and almost died, for a little while, really trying to do what he did, Alex Standall. End the pain, the suffering, the anguish that overwhelmed me, that enslaved my soul. You and Jess broke my heart, but only now do I realize that I tried to fix it, if only a little. And you, just made a spiral that almost threw him in the same shit as me. Maybe it was deserved, like the way Christ went to Calvary. I don't know. I had a normal creation, no religious exaggeration. I believe in God, but I never really cared about religion. Anyway, what happened, dear Alex, was something like that. But you remembered me and tried to act right, I'm grateful and happy about it. We'll see each other yet. And I hope that the FML, the one two three can get out of the den be this time forever
Well, let's put all the cards on the table. At least, Alex, you got away from that bunch of idiots, Bryce, Monty, but Zach, this one I make sure you stay. He's a very nice guy, though kinda stupid sometimes, he has a good heart. Parents say that companies determine a lot about what we are and do. Yeah, it may sound like a silly phrase, but there's your truth there. You turned away from those brutes, who are now despised by the whole school. Well done to them! And I hope Jess and you will forgive me for the damage I have caused their lives. It was not my intention, believe me. And if I'm making these tapes, it's with the help of someone who showed me. that the path of forgiveness is best for someone who has seen the darkness darken the heart and soul..I am beginning to realize and more, to exercise it.It is never easy and you know how cruel the weight of remorse can be to the point. we can't take it anymore in our own existence.
As I've always said, everything is like a snowball, or like that weird-name physicist, I don't remember, said the butterfly effect. When a pebble rolls down a mountain, it eventually turns into a huge snowball and it's hard A butterfly flaps its wings here in America and causes a tornado in Japan, such a chaos theory. Because, as you saw in the previous batch of tapes, this is true. And here it is also true. don't they influence others either? Are they wrong. We were new to school, you well know. And that's what brought us together, after all, when you're in high school, it's almost like a survival game, especially in that system. Don't think bad about me. I like or at least liked Liberty High more. But everything I went through there and finding that all this bullying, omissions and assaults came from afar made me nervous and disgusted. , Alex, look at you. If we go deep, you've always been al They were such brutes and lived alone until the moment you found Jess and me.
Remember? I remember. It was a lot of fun the way we met. You, locked up. Shy, but from that moment looking at Jess nonstop. You had been keeping an eye on her since that day. stay as a couple.And what happens: We went there to meet you, we proposed you a test, I don't remember what it was now, and you passed.Good right? The three misfits came together lol And we were together, stuck together, almost every day I had a meeting at the Monet..Well, until the moment the trio looked more like a double and one.You know what I'm talking about.When I saw you sitting in the cafeteria together, I confess, I was afraid of disturbing and even more, seething jealousy because I felt and VERY out. But you've already repeated that, someone will say. And I repeat how many times I think it's necessary. I might have had a bit of guilt as I walked away from you, but you could have told me It's not because they were dating that they had to put me aside. e and Jess were my first friends after Kat moved here. I felt lonely and needed someone to steady myself. And that's what I want in this present time. Join the trio again.

Clay had heard again after his conversation with Jess and Alex.
Maybe I'm wishing for something impossible. If it had been for a while maybe, but now someone shows me I'm not alone. I dreaded to see it. FML like it or not, it's one of the happiest moments I've had and after I discovered the damn list, Or at least apparently. You did hurt me, Alex, but I hurt you too. So as I said back there, you tried to do what I almost got. And on that list, I found out that was that idiot Bryce But you also had to take revenge on Jess for throwing me in this situation? And just because she didn't want to have sex with you! Oh, Alex, please, right! And you remember that I searched for you furiously in the men's locker room. And more pissed off I was watching those idiots peeking over my ass and throwing indecent comments! Like I said on tape 3, side A, it wasn't your joke that hurt me, but the fact that this apparent joke made room for scruffy and ridiculous macho men like Bryce and cia do what thu they are, and worse, judging us only by one part of the body. You now see that Jess's case has been thrown into the public. Who would say, a mere checklist, a stupid joke, can cause all the terrible things we go through, can cause suicide. ..You saw what I said about the butterfly effect? ​​We tried this theory of physics on the skin. But before closing this recording, I would like to talk about happier, more hopeful subjects, because that's what I haven't had for a long time and now I insist on First, her attitude Alex, I'm glad she's getting over it. And you're dating, very good. Do you make a nice couple and remember that I said you were interested in her? leave me out this time. Otherwise one letter will be missing hehe. Ok, I found it funny.
Now seriously.I believe for everything you went through and this school that things will change.This judgment, I don't know you, affected me a lot and I believe all of us as a whole.I decided to keep my false death because of this But I count it on another tape. And I miss Alex? I don't think it will take long for us to see each other. I miss our office and to be quite frank, your friendship is something I never failed to cherish. totally, even though I was hurt, hurt, and disappointed. I sometimes thought I couldn't eliminate all those happy moments from my life..And I wanted to go back..One more chance to the FML!

At that moment, Alex, passing by Monet to have a hot chocolate, along with Jess, At that time the place was almost empty. Only one person was there .Skye, Clay's main attendant and current girlfriend, or at least in recent months, since they were half apart. A blond-haired girl with dark glasses approached. He chatted with Skye and removed his wig and glasses. Jess and Alex were startled
"Hannah! It's you! No. How is that ... then the tapes ..
"Welcome to our office again, my friends," she said, sitting up. Why the astonishment?
"So you called me yourself," Jess said. "And that wig and those glasses?"
"This, Jess, is just one of my disguises I wear for now. But come on. How was our motto? One two three, you can get out of the den! FML, M's Life!" She greeted cheerfully. day.
"How do you appear now? We thought you were ... dead," Alex said with a hint of indignation.
“Alex, is that any way to greet a friend after so long?” She said, a little sarcastically. “Be a little kinder.
"I don't know if you can consider me friend," he said, lowering his head. "Even more so than I did to you."
-Alex, I know what you did. On the tapes I already said it all. But I think it's time for us to understand each other again. That's what I came for. And you Jess, how are you?
-Well ...- she said, a little embarrassed
"But tell me, Hannah, why you decided to make other tapes. How did you survive, the way you told me?"
"You already know, Alex," she said calmly. "But don't worry. I'm not hurt at you anymore. But worried, yes, I did. Anyway, I guarantee I know everything that's been going on these past months." As for your curiosity, it may seem fantastic what I said, but I assure you it's the true truth. Nothing to doubt my word this time. Did you hear Jess?
"Yes, I did. But ... Why are you hiding, Han? I don't understand. Wasn't it better to end this mystery? Even so, all of a sudden?"
"Well, a long time ago someone didn't call me that," he laughed. "Well, for some people, I better be dead anyway. There are some who don't even want to hear the name. But for those I value, I want you to know." I'm not going to show myself to everyone right now. Sometimes, Jess, we have to hide so we don't get hurt. Bryce may be arrested, but there are other assholes like him, as well as poisonous little girls. And I'm sick of people like that. For troglodytes like that Marcus, it's good that I'm really dead.
"Even so, Han," Alex said. "You appearing is very serious." Looks like it's like having made a fool of us
"If you want to think so, Alex," Hannah said calmly, "I can't do anything. But believe me, my friend. That's not what I hid for. The reasons are far more serious than just a joke."
"What do you mean?" Jess asked.
"Jess, you heard the tapes. They answer your question. But if you want me to say, there you go: I need some time to rebuild myself after everything I've been through. I think you understand what I say."
They both nodded.
"And this time I needed to watch you too. I didn't even know what my tapes had caused. And when I saw it, I decided to do something. I wanted to fix some of my mistakes, and more than that, to start over again."
-Then why you called us here?
“Who already knows?” They both asked.
-You. Clay, Tony, my parents, Kat and Zach..Ah, and Skye. For now, "she said, sipping some hot chocolate with marshmallows." Anyway, I spent a lot of time hiding. One hour I had to show up. Especially when they know the tombstone is empty.
"Are you serious?" Jess said, taking a sip of hot chocolate.
"Do I look like I'm kidding?" Hannah said seriously. "Yeah, there's nothing there. I was hiding for a long time, barely showing up in town. Not to mention my parents helped with that. You listened, you know."
"Yeah, that's true," Alex said. But aren't you afraid of what these new tapes might cause?
"And what could you, Alex? The best thing is to know I'm alive. If you still can't face the truth, it's not my fault," she said.
"Maybe you're right," Jess said sadly. From a certain point of view, if I hadn't slapped it, much could have been avoided. Jessica had bad memories of that.
"I think it's pointless to be sorry for what happened to Jess," Hannah said with a slight smile. "You've done it, there's no turning back time."
-I see.And you're not so jealous of us together right? -She denied-Alex was more incisive: You made our life a hell Hannah, how can you?
"I did?" She said earnestly. "It may be, but much of what I told you was the ones who teased. No excuse, Alex, you know you did it wrong. So much for the guilt that was hard to bear. And you, Jess, you shouldn't." have been hasty, could have given me time to explain myself.But in view of what you went through, that I already forgot.And answering your question, I'm no longer jealous.As far as now I know.And look she said touching Jess, you make a beautiful couple.Better than you and Justin
-Ah, after Justin did that, I'm kind of broke with him-Jess said, with an annoyed expression on his face-It's very hard to look in his face ..
"I can tell you to be careful with him. He's a sweet boy, but very troublesome. To be a boyfriend, it's not the best option. I just found his sentence heavier than Bryce's worm."
Does he already know you're alive?
"Not yet. But you will know. And personally, very soon." She paused. "That is ... if he listened to the tapes, you may know."
"Hannah, I wanted to tell you something," Jess said, taking a sip of hot chocolate while Alex sipped his sundae. "I wanted to apologize to you. I still called you a liar to Clay when he got the tapes, not to mention." what..
"It's all right now," Hannah said, nibbling on a chocolate she had bought at the Blue Spot. "It's gone. It doesn't make sense to think of it in the face of more serious events."
“How have you been living since then?” Alex asked.
"You're still trying all the menu items right, Alex," and he laughed sarcastically. "But how have I lived? Well, but for now hidden. A lot of people have hurt me, a lot more than you guys have listed on the tapes. That school has a system." very hard, very cruel. You well know that, suffered from it as much as me. Mostly you Jess. And I prefer that most do not know that I am still Hannah Baker and not a body buried in the cemetery. Sometimes Alex, it is necessary to die to live again. Some people have helped me, including two professionals. It has not been easy. But for some I decided to show myself, even to resolve issues that were in the past. This time I may be running away, but it's only for a while. Until I decide it's time to show up for everyone.
"So the headstone is empty. That funeral was just a theater," Alex retorted. "At least you said that a while ago. But, how ...?" Jess asked.
“It's Hannah, how do you explain that?” Alex retorted.
"Speak quietly, please. And yes, your deduction is correct. I set it all up to get some people out of my life for good. I was just going to tell the truth to anyone I still had any affection or desire to reconcile." And I needed to help them. But more than that, I can't count here. In my tapes I explain better. And believe me, there's nothing exaggerated there.
"You know, Hannah," Jess said. "In all, I still apologize to you." You were a good friend at the winter ball, even when I didn't deserve your care. Thank you.
"No need to say thank you. Just that I also have to say I couldn't stop what happened to you. And please, Jess, do you think drinking will solve anything? Isn't the scolding I gave you on the tapes enough?
"You can say the words Hannah," Jess said. "You're talking about the rape." We've already settled it in court. "As for the drink, I don't think you have to mess with it."
"Stubborn as always, huh?" Hannah said. "It's a matter of which I have to get in. But if you prefer that, that's fine."
"It doesn't concern you what I do or don't do, Hannah," Jess said sharply. "You know that very well."
"This concerns me, Jess. If you do," she said.
“Do you both want to repeat the same situation?” Alex said coldly.
"Really, let's change the subject. Tell me about the trial, Jess."
"In any case, at least the rape case was put to trial. That Bryce at least doesn't show up here. I feel better about that," said young Davis.
-I'm relieved to hear that.But I followed everything.Every step and every move
"I know," Alex said. "Your tapes show that." But these new ones have a lighter tone, except for ..
"Three tapes I have no pity," Hannah cut in. "And you know that. But I came here to see if we can come back with our friendship. I forgive you and think that after what we have all gone through, there's no need to hold a grudge."
"I agree," Alex said. "These months have been terrible for all of us. You don't know the joy and relief I'm seeing you, Hannah. Your friendship and Jess's was the best thing that happened at this school. And me, idiot, I threw it all up. I hope it doesn't happen again
"I doubt it," said Jess-Alex, "You're more mature. I think the suffering you experienced and the remorse you felt helped you."
"I think so too," Hannah agreed. "I saw how sad you were around the corner, gnawing with remorse. I confess that at first I felt a sense of avenging duty, like, as if you had to see what it was. But then I got I have a person helping me get back that Hannah you met.
"In a way, it's coming back," Jessica said with a giggle.
-Right-Hannah laughed-Then M's life, FML, forever this time
“One two three, you can get out of the den!” They folded their hands on the table to form a tripod. Their voices were cheerful and now with the conviction that it wasn't going to be broken.


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