História Memento Mori - If You Do

Jaebeom followed Mark, embraced him, and quickly apologized.

“Wait, stay! Forgive me, I won’t underestimate your tenacity any more. You won, no more games. I just wanted you to be sure about it.” JB declared, and after giving a tender kiss on both his cheeks, he led his stepbrother to bed, where they took off their clothes and laid down facing each other.

“Promise me I won’t forget this.” Mark whispered to him, as they both lied naked against each other.

“I promise you, and I assure you, I won’t forget it either. You’ll be etched in my mind forever. I’ll remember the breathtaking image of a rarely fragile Mark, trembling and sweating in my arms, tightly wrapped around my chest, moving slowly inside me, and shaking with joy between my legs.” he sighed deeply, as Mark’s lips parted to receive his kiss.

“So I’m topping this time?” the American sighed nervously, just to receive a nod from the younger. “Let me know if I’m doing something wrong then.” Mark said, between gasps, as he climbed on top of the Korean. Jaebeom fisted the elder’s erection, while opening his own legs wider, and guiding the American’s finger to his entrance.

“You do whatever you want with me, right or wrong, I’m yours to take.” JB groaned and the pair kissed even deeper, finally giving in to their desires. After pushing three fingers in and out of the younger rhythmically, Mark just held JB’s hips upward, and adjusted himself between the Korean’s legs to completely penetrate him. Both lovers moaned with pleasure when Mark finally managed to be balls deep in his stepbrother’s hole. “I’m gonna fuck you senseless all night long.” He thrust inside JB until the beatings of their hearts turned into one. When they had enough of each other, and laid exhausted under the covers, they immediately knew their true feelings, even though they weren’t voiced.

When JB gazed deep into his eyes and was about to say those 3 lovingly words, Mark felt something heavy falling upon him.

“Rise and shine, sweetheart.” Jackson exclaimed in English, excitedly as ever. As soon as he landed on top of Mark, he was able to notice the bulge in his pants. “Oh, my God! You have a boner! Did you have a wet dream about me? Awh, I’m flattered. Maybe I should express my gratitude and give you a hand.” The agitated Hongkonger announced, as he playfully tickled his sides. Mark sat up quickly on the sofa, realizing he was still in the Park’s living room, the same place JB and him had a stupid fight the night before. When they fought a second time in the guest room, JB didn’t run after him to apologize as the American expected he would. Mark couldn’t help but feel disappointed. The hot sex he had just dreamed about never happened. He was still a pathetic virgin, unfortunately.

“Get your hands of me, Wang!” What the hell are you doing here?” Mark inquired exasperatedly, as he tried to get the younger’s wandering hands away from him. At some point, Jackson finally stopped teasing the elder, and sat on the sofa beside him.

“Oh, I see you’re not a morning guy.” The Hongkonger commented casually, displaying a smirk on his face.

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Mark gave him a threatening look, establishing a certain distance between himself and the younger on the sofa.

“Look, I’m sorry for what happened at Yugyeom’s party. I was there and I didn’t stop it.” Jackson’s goofy demeanor was gone, he sounded surprisingly serious, and regretful. The American was about to give him the finger and tell the Hongkonger how much of a coward he was, yet, when Mark stared at his soft Squirtle smile, he didn’t have the heart to. Before an appeasing smile could form on his own lips, the older averted his eyes from him.

“Let bygones be bygones.” Mark muttered, looking around to see if they were alone. He wondered if Jaebeom was already up. He certainly needed to apologize for yesterday night. Only now he started to realize how pushy and desperate he must’ve looked, how willful he must have sounded. However, he convinced himself that he wouldn’t have acted so impetuous towards JB if he hadn’t heard all those revelations during the dinner at the Lim’s residence. He blamed Lim Taek-geun and his mother for his foul mood and his hot temper. He blamed the whiskey he had stolen from the Parks’ cupboard. He blamed death, for taking his father, his brother, Jaebeom’s mother, and for making him feel like he had to be hasty in having what most kids of his age already had. He blamed everything and almost everyone around him, but he refused to blame himself.

“Oh, my God! Am I hearing things? Am I forgiven?!” Jackson said extremely loud, instantly hugging the American, who tried to get away from his bear grip with all his might. However, the hug didn’t last for more than 5 seconds, since the Hongkonger became a bit intimidated by the other’s cold stare. As soon as Mark was released, he kicked Jackson to the floor, folded his arms across his chest and crossed his legs. He thanked all Gods for making his hard on disappear.

“I can’t waste my time being mad at a child like you. If you just promise me not to wake me up like this ever again, you can possibly become my BFF someday.” Mark informed him in a less annoyed tone. He certainly needed a friend lately. Too much information was thrown at him at once. He would probably feel a lot better if he could confide in someone.

“What about your wild and sexy lover? Can I be that too?” Jackson asked suggestively, as he licked his lips, and posed sexily on the carpet in front of Mark. The latter couldn’t help but stare at him amusedly.

“You wish.” The older chuckled, while shaking his head at the witty Hongkonger. Mark had never met someone so impossible and with so much energy in his life. He wished he knew how to make that one stop talking. When the younger winked at him playfully and blew him a kiss, the American burst into a fit of laughter. Jackson’s glee felt contagious. The older definitely had to thank the handsome seducer before him for making him laugh so freely. That was rare.

“Look who is here.” Jackson commented, as he noticed the young Lim coming down the stairs. “Good morning, Jin. Finally crawling out of the woodwork, I see.” The Hongkonger noticed how the American’s laughter ceased and how his lively expression hardened. Mark didn’t even turn around to greet the Korean, he just stood up abruptly, and without meeting his eyes, he went to the kitchen.

He could overhear Jackson and Jinyoung whispering to each other in the living room, but to his surprise, after a few minutes, the Korean followed him to the kitchen. It seemed that Jackson had agreed to give them a moment alone, because the Hongkonger just stayed in the living room watching TV while the Korean approached Mark.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was strained, his tone had a pleading edge. Mark pretended not to hear him, so Jinyoung spoke louder, with more determination. “Please, accept my apologies.” he almost begged.

“For what exactly are you sorry for Park Jinyoung?! For almost getting us in a car accident? For shouting those terrible things at me in the school parking lot? For making me believe that we slept together? Or for drugging me and taking pictures of my body while I lied naked in some stranger’s bed?” It was clear that the American wouldn’t go easy on him just because his mother had died.

“All of the above, I guess.” Jinyoung stated, without thinking. He was aware that he had a lot to make up for, and the American wouldn’t make things easy for him.

“Drop dead.” Mark said, turning away from him. It was the first time he set foot in that kitchen and he couldn’t really find anything to eat, but he still looked around the cupboard and inside the fridge to find something edible. “You guys seriously need to go shopping.”

“Jaebeom is doing that at the moment, he told me earlier this morning before he left. He warned me not to bother you.” The younger said, giving the foreigner a suspicious look, as he leaned on the kitchen counter. He wanted to ask Mark about what was really going on between him and his brother, but he thought that it would be too soon to ask the older that kind of question. “There are still some cereals in the pantry. Feel free to have them.” He pointed in the direction of the pantry and Mark finally looked relieved to find something there to eat.

“You people are filthy rich! Aren’t you supposed to have housekeepers, butlers and stuff like that?” the American shook his head at him while putting some cereals on a plate. He sat on a chair and wondered how come those twins were so different from each other.

“I fired all of them. I was tired to see their faces, their eyes looking pitifully at me. Grandpa will find new replacements soon.” Jinyoung stated casually.

“Spoiled kid. Have you ever stopped to think that those people needed their jobs? How did you exactly want them to look at you? You’re plainly pitiful.” Mark said mercilessly, without taking his eyes from his plate.

“You can be quite cruel when you want to.” Jinyoung commented, obviously hurt by the elder’s words.

“You want me to be sympathetic towards you? After everything you’ve done?!” Mark exclaimed, giving him a look of disbelief.

"Look, If I were you, I'd probably be mad as well, but at least I'd consider your state of mind at the time of your wrongdoing, and provide you a second chance." Jinyoung knew he was using quite an unfair method to get his forgiveness, yet, he promised JB he would do his best to make the American accept his apologies. "You, better than anyone should understand my pain."

"Now you're playing dirty." Mark furrowed his brows.

"Is it working?" Jinyoung cocked his head to the side and diminished the distance between them as he leaned on the table. "Listen, I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to convince you of my remorse." The younger could notice Mark's scowl dissolve.

"Actually, there's something you can do, Nyoungie." Mark declared with a lace of sarcasm in his voice.

"Do tell me, Markie." The younger said in a similar mocking tone.

"I've been asking around the school and I heard that you used to be Mr. Goody two shoes, like top of the class, model student, class president, your dad’s pride and joy, and all that shit. I've also heard your grades in Korean literature are something else. I mean, that was before you joined those jerks of the soccer team. Now you just fail in every single subject because you are usually absent on the day of the exams.” Mark said, without revealing that most information he gathered on the youngest Lim, came from the mouths of his dongsengs, Yugyeom and Bambam.

“You’ve been researching about me, stepbrother, I’m flattered. What does my brilliant past have to do with anything?” Jinyoung asked, a bit curious.

“Do all my homework for a month and we can forget that sordid story regarding the nudes, that insane car ride and all the rest.” Mark gave him a defying look.

“You should at least absolve me from the car ride episode. You were the one who was really trying to get us killed in there.” Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at the American, but the older dismissed his words.

“Are you going to help me with my damn homework or not?!” Mark threw his hands up in the air impatiently.

“You know what? I can do better than that, pal. I can help you with all the rest. I mean, Korean literature is not the only subject worrying you, right? It’s the Korean language in general, that means, History, Geography and all the other classes with a Korean teacher and Korean texts. They’re a challenge for a foreigner. I gave Bambam some private classes before and he improved a lot. I can do that for you too.” Jinyoung offered in a softer tone, and he really seemed sincere this time.

“Are you kidding me?” Mark wasn’t really fond of that idea, but he really needed help with that language. He could’ve asked Jaebeom to give him a hand, but he knew he would really want from him another kind of hand. He’d probably be too distracted by his broad shoulders and kissable lips.

“We could meet up at the library after classes. What do you say?” Jinyoung looked enthusiastic.

“Are you going to set it on fire while we’re in there?” Mark sighed hopelessly.

“I promise to control my pyromaniac urges during our studies.” Jinyoung beamed at him, and Mark couldn’t help but stare at his stunning eye smile for a few seconds.

“Deal.” He finally gave in, and although he wanted to, he didn’t ignore the hand Jinyoung extended to him. As soon as they shook hands, Jackson showed up in the kitchen screaming excitedly.

“MarkJin! My favorite grumpy pair of teenagers in the whole world!” Jackson exclaimed exaggeratedly, as he hugged the both of them, and gave each one of his unwilling captives a kiss on the cheek.

When Jaebeom returned to the mansion full of shopping bags, he saw the trio MarkJinSon laughing excitedly at some K-drama on TV. He didn’t expect to witness that kind of scene before him. However, it was definitely a nice surprise. He hadn’t seen his brother having fun in a while. JB could always count on Jackson to cheer up his distressed twin, the foreigner was definitely a mood maker. What JB didn’t expect was to see Mark fit in that picture so well. He hated to spoil their fun, yet he had to. None of the boys noticed when he entered the kitchen and left the shopping bags there. They only acknowledged his presence when he cleared his throat and walked into the living room.

“Mark hyung, your mother called. She almost had a heart attack this morning when she noticed you weren’t in your bed.” JB crossed his arms and gave the older a reprovingly look. Mark suddenly turned to him alarmed, yet, he immediately looked down, as he remembered the events of last night.

“It’s a Saturday for Christ sakes, can’t he stay with us?” Jackson chimed in, sounding like a little kid.

“She wants you home, hyung. Come on, I’ll give you a ride there.” Jaebeom said firmly, ignoring Jackson’s plea.

“All right. I’m gonna get my phone upstairs.” Mark said obediently, getting up from the sofa.

“I’ll help you find it.” Jinyoung added, following the American to the stairs.

“Jinyoung-ah.” JB said in a patronizing tone, before his twin started climbing the stairs to the guest room.

“I already apologized, and I’m gonna give him free Korean classes in order to redeem myself. Are you satisfied?” the young Lim informed his brother quickly, but JB only eyed him in disbelief. “Tell him, Mark hyung.” Jinyoung said exasperatedly and Mark simply nodded at the Korean.

“Oh, my god! Did he just say ‘hyung’?” Jackson was genuinely shocked when he heard the honorifics come out of Jinyoung’s mouth. Jaebeom smiled proudly at his twin, and let him go up the stairs with their stepbrother.

As soon as Jinyoung and Mark reached the room, the younger felt like he needed to voice his concerns.

“What was that downstairs?!” Jinyoung exclaimed as he gripped Mark’s arm.

“I should be asking you the same question. Why the hell are you calling me ‘hyung’ for?” the American frowned at his action and slowly removed the younger’s hand from his arm.

“I know how to get on my brother’s good side. He likes when I act all polite and shit. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I saw the looks between you two. It’s quite worrisome.” Jinyoung insisted, as the other quickly found his phone under the bed, and turned around to face him.

“Excuse me? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mark huffed. “You know, you didn’t have to come up here with me. I already have my phone, and I need to leave.” The older said nervously, as he moved to the door, but Jinyoung was quicker than him, and right after he locked the door, he put the key on his pocket.

“How long has it been going on?” Jinyoung demanded seriously, as he positioned himself before Mark and the door.

“It’s none of your goddam business.” Mark said harshly, as he run a hand through his hair. With the simple movement of his shoulder, Jinyoung was able to see the huge hickey on the American’s neck. 

“I guess you’re not a virgin anymore. How was it? Was he gentle?” Jinyoung demanded, gritting his teeth as he pointed to the mark on the elder’s skin.

“Nothing happened, not yet.” Mark remarked, looking away.

“I heard you last night in the living room.” The younger stated, clearly irritated.

“We didn’t do it, okay? How is that any of your concern by the way?” Mark looked annoyed now. The subject made him uncomfortable and he knew he couldn’t trust Jinyoung yet.

“It’s my business when you’re using my big brother to go back to America.” Jinyoung spat, and suddenly Mark understood the reason of his anger. The elder had proposed to Jinyoung that kind of deal once. Telling his parents that they were a thing was supposed to ruin Dorine and Taek-geun’s marriage and unleash a kind of chaos that could send Mark back home.

“No! It’s different with JB, I’m not using him. I like him.” The American said at once, taken aback by his own response. Jinyoung stared hard at him.

“Since it’s like this, I should warn you, he doesn’t like you. So keep your distance, and stop deluding yourself. He’ll never reciprocate your feelings.”

“You know nothing about us.” Mark retorted confidently.

“Maybe I don’t. However, I know very well he’s still in love with Youngjae. You’re just a distraction till that kid decides to show up again.” The younger said honestly, and he could swear he saw Mark’s eyes water a bit. The American was speechless for a while. He always feared hearing that, he suspected that Jaebeom was still hung up on Choi Youngjae, now he was sure of it.

“Get out of my way.” Mark whispered dejectedly, and this time, Jinyoung quickly unlocked the door and let him out of the room.

The ride to the Lim’s house was unusually quiet. Jaebeom imagined that Mark was still cranky because of what happened the night before. The Korean just didn’t know how to approach that subject without angering the American. When they arrived at the house, Dorine shouted at Mark for not answering her calls, and she was surprised to notice that he didn’t shout back. Afterwards, she sent him to his room and she became even more shocked when the teenager didn’t even question her order. Mr. Lim and Jaebeom talked a bit, mostly about Jinyoung. Jaebeom told his father that maybe, his prodigal youngest might return home sooner than he thought.

After the talk, JB went to his room just to find Mark moving his stuff to Jinyoung’s room.

“What’s happening here?” Jaebeom eyed him with concern.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you and I to share a room anymore.” Mark replied without looking at him.

“Mark if this is about last night, I-”

“Don’t worry. It’s not you, it’s me. I kinda got used to have the room for myself since you’ve been at the mansion for almost a month now. Soon you’ll be returning, and I think we should have our own space.” Mark stated as he kept emptying the drawers of his wardrobe. “It’s not like I’m leaving South Korea, I’ll be in the room next to yours. I’ll be there if you need a friend.”

“A friend? What the fuck! Mark, that’s not necessary, please, look at me.” A nervous JB held him by the shoulders and made him face him. “Is it because I said we should take things slow? Tell me what’s wrong.” The Korean looked confused. Mark wanted to simply say ‘Choi Youngjae’, but he changed his mind.

“We’re stepbrothers.” Mark finally met his eyes. The younger frowned at him.

“Bullshit, that fact never concerned you before.” JB insisted, looking puzzled and anguished at the same time.

“But it concerns you. It’s not like we’re going to start dating at some point. We’ll never be boyfriends. I’ll never be able to hold you, or kiss you in public. We’re not ready to face people’s prejudice. I know you’re scared of your father’s reaction and we know this is not getting anywhere. There are a lot of things to consider here. We’re moving too fast. I was unreasonable, and you were right.” Mark felt like crying, but he held back his tears. If Jaebeom decided to fight for them, he would stay. That was simply a test, and he hoped his stepbrother would be able to see through him.

  “Bunny, don’t do that. I want you here. I don’t want you to go, there’s enough space for the both of us. Please stay with me.” Jaebeom begged as he cupped Mark’s face in his hands, and closed the distance between them. The Korean gave him a little peck on the lips, but the American wanted more, he wanted reassurance.

“I like you, JB. I like you a lot, and I can’t bear being around you and not touch you. I can’t fight these feelings, anymore. Someone will realize that there’s something going on between us, sooner or later. And what will you do if they do? Would you let go of my hand?” Mark looked deep into his eyes and waited for an answer. The Korean was speechless for a second. He took a few steps away from the American and sighed in despair.

“Is this about Eric?” Jaebeom’s heart skipped a beat. He refused to answer his questions.

“What?!” Mark eyed him in disbelief. “I just told you that I like you, I truly do.” The American’s sentence made JB even more alarmed.

“Maybe you’re having doubts because you still have feelings for him. Maybe you wanna get back together with your ex, I don’t know, Mark! Why are you saying these things? Aren’t you the impulsive one in this relationship? I mean, it’s clear you are neither the responsible one, nor the mature one in this room!” Jaebeom didn’t wanna argue again, but that talk seemed impossible to avoid. He didn’t know how to end Mark’s doubts, he had no idea how he could give him a proper answer for those questions. He knew that Mark’s decision to leave that room meant more than just giving each other space. That looked like a break up, and they didn’t even have the chance to discuss what was really going on between them. The American confused him and challenged his feelings. He wanted to tell Mark he liked him back, but there was a face in the back of his mind, a voice that told him not to go that way yet.

“Did you just say relationship?! Is that what we have? Are you sure? Because I don’t feel like I am in one. I have been in a relationship before, and it was more than just pet names and making out sessions. We actually were together and there was nothing to hide!” Mark yelled at him. JB’s reticence broke his heart. Jinyoung absolutely right.

“Mark do you realize what you’re asking of me?” Jaebeom gave him a pained look, his lips quivered.

“I’m not asking anything of you. In fact, I shouldn’t have to.” The American bit his lower lip as a tear slipped from his cinnamon eyes. “You know what? We’re done here. I don’t care. Just do whatever you want, it doesn’t matter to me, I’ll just go to my new room.” Mark announced madly, as he walked past his stepbrother carrying his stuff in one bag.