História Letter 2 U - The misunderstanding

“What does he know?” the incensed American crossed his arms around himself as he waited for an answer.

“You’re forgetting that it was your boyfriend who texted JB, not me. I didn’t even know you and Jinyoung were in this crazy 007 mission by yourselves, which by the way, was very stupid of your part.” Jackson started, as he sat on the sofa and kept a safe distance from him. He was still plagued by the images of what happened at Jinyoung’s kitchen once. He promised himself this conversation would not deteriorate the long hours they spent at therapy.

“Oh, is that so? What would you have done differently then?” Mark’s tone was sarcastic as he sneered at the Chinese.

“I’d have brought myself out there, not Jinyoung! He obviously can’t handle shit like that. I thought we were in this together, Mark.” The rapper still couldn’t believe that the pair had gotten themselves in that dangerous situation. He also felt bad for being left out. If MarkJinSon was letter2u’s target all this time, he couldn’t understand why the couple didn’t tell him about the meeting. He considered Jinyoung too soft, and Mark too unstable. In his opinion, that wasn’t a good combination.

“We! There’s no ‘we’ anymore as far as I’m concerned, Jack. You made sure of that, remember?” the American gave him a loathsome look, one that made his ex’s feel like the worst person in the world.

“For the hundredth time, I’m sorry! I know my words mean nothing, but they are all I have. Okay, you still resent me for everything that happened to us, that’s fair. I understand that, I am mad at myself too! Nevertheless, I cannot erase that awful thing that I did to you in that brothel. Mark, I really wish I could turn back time, but it’s impossible! If you want to take a swing at me, go ahead, do it! Tell the other guys, have me behind bars! But for the love of God stop looking at me like that! I’ll do anything you say, just please, don’t hate me.” Jackson almost choked, as he looked away, unable to hold his gaze for too long. Mark felt an unknown pleasure to see his ex in such turmoil. He knew the Chinese well, and he could tell he was being sincere. He just wanted to make sure their secret was still only theirs.

“How did you get at Oryu-dong Station?” the American walked to the couch and made the other face him as he held his cheek and forced Jackson to look him in the eye. The rapper swallowed hard and started talking.

“I was practicing with Bambam and Yugyeom at the company. Then Youngjae and JB returned together. As soon as they entered the practice room I could tell JB was disturbed about something and it wasn’t just the truth or dare game. Then he kept shouting at me, asking if I knew something about the meeting. However, I was totally clueless, so he showed me Jinyoung’s text. It basically said that letter2u was back and that you and him were going to the station to meet a hacker that worked for that psycho. Our leader wanted to pick you guys up and so did the maknaes, but I stopped them. I convinced our members that the 7 of us at that Station would certainly bring a lot of attention to ourselves, even if we in disguises. So I took them to my apartment, told them to wait for me there and drove to the station as fast as I could. That’s all. When Jinyoung mentioned he told Jaebeom everything, I’m sure he didn’t mean ‘everything’.

“Jinyoung knows about the row we had in his kitchen and the therapy sessions. I’ve already told him about those. But he also know about the poisoning and the choice I made between you two. He claims letter2u told him.” Mark eyed him suspiciously.

“He lied, I was the one who told him. He wanted to know about Macao. I had to throw him off the scent by feeding his creative mind with something concrete. You can’t imagine how difficult it was to get him off of my back.” Jackson scoffed as he struggled to explain himself.

“Even though I told you not to. Why is that when I always say ‘no’ to something you just don’t seem to listen?” Mark accusing tone was merciless and he knew how to choose his words well. Jackson looked down and put both his hands on his face. Shame and guilt crawled under his skin.

“I’m starting to think you were right. I should’ve died at that FanMeeting. Jesus Christ, that should have had a different ending.” The Chinese sighed in defeat. Those words made Mark frown at him, he honestly didn’t like what he heard.

“You’re not allowed to die before you redeem yourself. I don’t want to ever hear you say something like that again, not you! What’s wrong, huh?! I thought you wanted to make amends, yet now it sounds like you just want to escape from all of it. Don’t you dare Wang Jia Er, don’t you fucking dare.” Mark remarked sourly.

“Why are you wearing my damn clothes?” Jackson asked out of the blue as he looked up at him.

“Just to spite you. I know your kinks, Jack. I remember how you loved to see me wearing your stuff, especially after sex. It gave you a sense of dominance over me. It was like I was wearing your initials on my skin. It comforted you the idea of covering me with yourself. It made you confident and proud. But I bet you look at me now, walking around your apartment, wearing your fabric, and you don’t have the same feeling as before. You just see something you lost and you cannot lay your hands on anymore. That must make you miserable, right?” Mark said it with a serenity that scared his ex.

“God, you’re really getting your kicks from rubbing salt in my wounds, I wish you didn’t know me that well. But that’s not like you, okay? Look, Mark, I know that what you experienced today wasn’t easy. You witnessed a terrible death and that kind of thing changes you.” Jackson tried to reason with him. He knew how things could get out of hand if Mark seriously lost his temper.

“There are things worse than death, and you, my dear, you have shown me the worst. It did change me indeed, I’m not the old Mark you used to know and I’ll never be him again. I can fake it to keep the others’ suspicions at bay, especially Jinyoung’s. But since you’ve shown me your worst, I thought I should do the same.” Mark retorted, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I thought therapy was working, in one of our sessions I remember you said you would be able to forgive me. What happened to ‘let bygones be bygones’?” Jackson’s voice trembled.

“If you really believed that could happen, you’re the most naïve person in this world.”

“That means you’ll never really forgive me.” The rapper thought out loud.

“I’ve heard once that ‘forgiveness is the best way to get revenge’. I even entertained that idea at some point, believe me, I did. And I tried hard to look at you and not see the monster you actually are. But now I think that’s a lot of crap. I realize that I want you to suffer, Mandu, I want you to suffer as much as I’ve been suffering up till now.” Mark voiced his darkest feelings while using his old nickname and that was enough to make Jackson’s eyes water, but the tears didn’t fall. They were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing.

“I came as fast as I could. I took a taxi since the others decided to wait for Bambam to finally choose the shoes he was bringing.” Jinyoung exhaled deeply and examined the pair before him. The rapper gave him a broken smile and looked away. The singer had a handbag in one hand and a toiletry bag in the other. He looked again between the two and noticed how Jackson’s eyes were lifeless.

“Let me show you our room before the others arrive.” Mark exclaimed with a smile, as he grabbed Jinyoung by his arm, dragged him inside one of the empty en suites and closed the door behind them. As soon as they were inside, Mark took the items from his boyfriend’s hands and threw them on the floor. The singer was puzzled by his actions. When he had left the Jackson’s place earlier his lover was clearly upset, but now he looked like a different person. He couldn’t help but gasp when he felt the American’s cold hands invade his sweater and the passionate kiss he had was receiving almost knocked him senseless. It had been a while. He missed that kind of intimacy with Mark and his hungry touches immediately made him hard. After that engagement ring fiasco they did not have much time alone and that fact made him crave for Mark even more. He was aware of Jackson’s presence just outside in the living room and he didn’t want the rapper to hear them. He was also aware of his members’ eminent arrival and that made him even more aroused, even though he tried to fight it.

“I want you dick so bad. I want to feel you come inside my tight little ass. I want you to fill me with your seed, Nyoungie.” Mark whispered sexily, as he bit on Jinyoung’s sensitive earlobe. The American had gotten rid of every piece of Jackson’s clothes he was wearing, he was totally naked and pressing himself at Jinyoung’s body against the door. Jinyoung moaned as he felt Mark’s hand unzip his pants and palm his erection. The erotic words that left his boyfriend’s mouth almost made him come. But the American attacked his lips again and slowly pushed him to the king sized bed. Jinyoung had never seen his boyfriend so horny and sensually demanding. He became alarmed when Mark came on top of him, sat on his thighs and tried to force Jinyoung’s hard penis in his unprepared anus.

“Hey, baby, slow down. You gonna hurt yourself.” The singer managed to say, but the other hungrily captured his lips again and pressed their bodies together. Jinyoung knew then that something was seriously wrong.

“Then hurt me good, fuck me till I bleed, please.” Mark ceased his rough kisses and looked him in the eye. When he got no reaction from Jinyoung’s perplexed orbs, he tried once more to impale himself with his lover’s length. He hissed as he almost managed to get the tip in. That was clearly painful, but he did not intend to stop that now. He felt like he deserved that, that kind of pain belonged within him. But suddenly his boyfriend threw him on the bed, changing their positions. Mark was on his back now and his boyfriend was above him.

“No, Mark. Not like that. We’ll not do it like that! I want to know what the fuck is wrong with you. Did you take anything? Tell me before I lose my shit!” Jinyoung was extremely hard, and all his body yearned to follow Mark’s guidance. He wanted to penetrate his lover and feel his insides enclose him, he longed for that. He wanted to make Mark scream his name as he filled him with pleasure and love, but he would never make him bleed.

“Hum, I love when you get all bossy, it makes me all tingly. Don’t be a prude Jin, you can call me a slut if you want it, use me like a whore.” The American insisted as he pressed his knee on Jinyoung’s hard on, teasing the younger even more. Jinyoung held Mark’s arms above his head trying to make the other listen him, but Mark’s attempts to rub himself on him was making the Korean lose his senses.

“I won’t do it, because you’re none of those. Not even whores deserve this kind of treatment, to be honest, no one does. And if that’s the kind of stuff you used to do with your previous lover, remember I’m not him.” Jinyoung said firmly as he saw the American’s face change.

“You’re just afraid your dick might not make me come as hard as his used to.” Mark’s passion turned cold as he stared up at his boyfriend. Jinyoung wasn’t expecting to hear that and he didn’t mean to sound as harsh as he did the second he heard him.

“Maybe you should whore yourself to Jackson then. I heard he pays good money for a nice piece of ass. But I know how you’re willing to give it to him for free. It’s a win-win situation.” The singer spat, yet, as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them.

“Let me go to him then.” Mark retorted as he struggled to get free from his boyfriend’s hold. Jinyoung could tell he was hurt by his words because he noticed how his eyes watered, even when he looked away from him.

“I’m sorry, but there’s no chance I’ll let him have you ever again.” Jinyoung said as he kissed Mark’s mouth. Although the American initially refused the kiss, he stopped fighting the contact of his lips when his boyfriend let go of his arms and held his face to him lovingly. The singer lowered his lips on him with adoration. He put all his feelings into that kiss. It wasn’t rough, nor violent. It was preciously slow and it deepened spontaneously. Mark brought one of his hands to the back of his lover’s neck as he sucked his tongue and received the ardor of his dongsaeng’s affection. They kissed until they were both breathless. They eyed each other for a moment and it was Mark who broke their enchanting silence.

“I love you. Make love to me, love.” As soon as the American said it, Jinyoung jumped from the bed, got the lube from his toiletry bag that was on the floor and returned to his lover’s warmth. He took off the his clothes completely and nestled himself between his lover’s legs again. Mark’s eyes were half opened with desire when he felt one of Jinyoungs lubed finger carefully tease his hole. Their erections were almost touching each other. He moaned with pleasure when Jinyoung touched his penis and inserted his finger inside him painfully slow. He knew what the singer was doing, he was loving him, every single piece of him. And he couldn’t help but fall in love with the younger all over again.

“I love you, Mark.” Jinyoung whispered as he showered his boyfriend’s face with kisses and licks. He inserted one more finger while he sucked on his nipples and a third when he sucked on the skin of his neck. Mark was already trembling underneath him when Jinyoung stopped scissoring him and positioned himself at his entrance. He paused there for a bit, and what a sight he beheld before him. His lover was all sweaty and ready for him.

“Why did you stop?” Mark complained as his heartbeats quickened.

“May I?” Jinyoung showed him his hard on and looked down at his hole. Mark found that amusing at that point, but he nodded at him. As the singer finally got the permission he wanted, he pushed himself inside Mark, giving him time to adjust himself to the invasion. The American soon pressed himself at him, signaling the younger to start moving. The singer stroked his boyfriend’s penis and moved inside him, pacing their rhythm between moans and pants. When Jinyoung hit the right spot inside the older, he felt his lover’s legs encircle him with more urgency. He sped up their rhythm as he himself lost himself inside Mark. As their lovemaking became more intense, loud sexual noises filled the room. When both of them reached their climax, Jinyoung fell over Mark, but remained inside him. They let their come mingle as they pressed their bodies together. The American held him close as they waited for their breathing to return to normal. Jinyoung lift himself a little bit just to give his lover butterfly kisses and murmur multiple ‘I love yous’ in his ear. The way the singer touched and smiled at him gave Mark the impression that he wanted more sex.

“If you’re doing what you think you’re doing, give up. If we have a second round I won’t be able to dance properly for a week.” Mark joked, but his lover’s worried face ceased his laugh.

“Are you hurt, Mark? Did I hurt you anywhere?” Jinyoung asked as he stroked his side.

“No! Of course not. You just tired me out, boyfriend.” Mark answered sexily as he emphasized the last word and gave the singer a peck. The other beamed at him.

“I had another idea in mind. You don’t have to do anything, just let me ride you.” Jinyoung blushed as soon as he said it. Mark eyed him surprised. That would be the first time his boyfriend suggested that. His hard on was back as soon as he imagined the possibility of topping Jinyoung.

“Are you gonna bottom for me?” Mark whimpered as the younger sat on his hips and licked his lips.

“Don’t you wanna be inside me?” Jinyoung answered his question with another and rubbed his ass against Mark’s erection. His perfect abs and firm tights made the American salivate. And that cock who had just been inside him minutes earlier begged to be taken care of.

“I haven’t done this for a while. Don’t blame me if I don’t do it right.” Mark’s reddened cheeks made him even more adorable. Jinyoung could not resist that sudden shyness, and started stroking Mark’s stomach, which was still covered with his cum. The singer’s eyes followed his lover’s movements all the time, especially when he licked his fingers to taste the substance. He used the same finger to finger himself as his other hand stroked his own penis. He practically masturbated himself on the American, who found those gestures extremely sexy.

“My God, you’re good at that”. Mark grunted as he held Jinyoung by the hips.

“I had a lot of practice. I’ve been planning to seduce you for a while, Mark Tuan. Is it working?”

“Absolutely. I wish I could see you down on all fours as I take you from behind.” Mark licked his lips as Jinyoung smirked at him. The singer got up from his lover and positioned himself beside him in doggie-style.

“Come and get it, baby.” Jinyoung’s voice never sounded so lascivious as he winked at him. Those round and pink buttocks up in the air begged to be spanked. Mark didn’t waste time on bending him over and penetrating him. The singer moaned as he spread his ass to receive his lover’s cock inside him. Mark slapped his butt cheeks and shoved his length inside his hole. They both panted as Mark pushed himself in and out of Jinyoung. The singer stroked himself harder and tried to keep his balance when his toes started to curl in pleasure. The sensation increased when he felt Mark’s hand grab at his hair and pound inside of him mercilessly. He could already feel Mark’s warm seed fill his insides. And the mere thought of giving his partner so much pleasure made him come too. They both stayed in that position for a while. Jinyoung buried his face on a pillow as he tried to recover from such an intense lovemaking. He definitely approved Mark’s topping. It was better than he had imagined. He didn’t mind being dominated sometimes and he surely would try that again, at least once a month with Mark. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of a quiet sniffling. He thought he was hearing things, but when he lifted his head from the pillow and looked behind him, he saw his boyfriend crying.

“Hey, what’s wrong, honey?” Jinyoung asked him sweetly as he stroked his cheeks.

“I’m sorry to treat you like that, I didn’t mean to. That was dirty.” Mark sobbed uncontrollably as he looked down at his hands. That hot lovemaking session made him remember the last time Jackson bent him like that, shoved his face on a pillow and violated his body.

“Babe, it’s okay. I’m alright, I wanted that. If I didn’t I would have said something. Couples get a bit dirty all the time. It’s fun and I have nothing against it. I actually like that side of yours. Please stop crying.”

“I am dirty Jinyoung. I am a stain in your life.” Mark’s emotions overwhelmed him.

“Mark don’t say that. You are perfect, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. There is nothing more pure and sacred than what we have between us. Sex is not a sin, it’s an act of love.” Jinyoung’s eyes shone as he tried to make his lover see the righteousness of their lovemaking.

“It’s not always about love, people can make sex feel heinous.” He stammered sorrowfully.

“Mark what are you trying to say?” Jinyoung eyed him awkwardly.

“He raped me.” Mark finally said it as he covered his face with his hands. His boyfriend could only gasp at that information. He immediately remembered the story Mark told him about his perverted P.E. teacher and he just connected the dots by himself. He assumed that the American’s teacher had sexually abused him years ago while he was in high school, even though his boyfriend denied at first. He didn’t know what to say for a while and he knew that nothing he could say at that moment would change what happened, but he promised to be strong for the older.

“Mark, hey, it’s all right. That’s in the past. It does not define who you are now. He won’t ever touch you again, no one will ever treat you like that. He didn’t taint you or anything. You are flawless in my eyes.”

“But he took me to that place and I let him do it, because I trusted him. I knew his intentions, he wanted to fuck me and I did not fight him at first. I thought he wouldn’t dare to hurt me like that. But I said no, I told him he was hurting me, I tried to get him off of me, but he wouldn’t listen. I told him to stop and I started crying so he slapped me and he took me from behind. It hurt so much! I was so humiliated, so ashamed!” Mark managed to say as tears kept falling. Jinyoung couldn’t help but cry with him.

“I’m sorry, Mark! I’m so sorry, baby. I would give anything to take this pain away from you. I didn’t know, I didn’t notice your suffering. But I’m here for you, for whatever you need, I’ll always be. Cry as much as you want, just let it out, honey.” Jinyoung held both his hands and brought their foreheads together. Anger filled him as he pictured a dirty old man luring the innocent and young Mark to a place where no one could hear his cries for help.

“But I was stupid. I challenged him, I dared him to ruthlessly hurt me. Maybe I knew what was gonna happen since the beginning. I provoked him, so, maybe deep down, I guess I wanted to be hit and raped? Perhaps, That’s why I loved him in the first place, because of his savagery. So it’s clear that I am the one to blame. I could’ve fought him harder, I could have run before it was too late, but I didn’t, maybe I enjoyed his brutality. Maybe he didn’t even violated me, it’s all in my mind! It’s my entire fault for being a dirty slut. Who else gets fucked in the ass at a place like that!?” Mark’s words didn’t make much sense to Jinyoung, but he understood his lover was going through the symptoms that all rape victims often suffered, denial and self-loathing.

“No, no! Don’t say that, honey. You didn’t want nor loved him. You didn’t desire nor allowed him to brutalize you the way he did. He was in the wrong, not you! Don’t ever think like that. You’re not a whore, a slut or whatever you call it. You were a victim and he should’ve paid for what he did to you.” Jinyoung asserted as he stared firmly at his boyfriend’s eyes. Marks sobs finally stopped as he met his lover’s gaze.

“That’s what my therapist told me.” Mark whispered as he ran a hand through his hair.

“That’s a wise doctor, you should listen to her more often.” The singer gave him an encouraging smile and kissed both his cheeks.

“How do you know it’s a ‘she’?” Marked eyed him curiously.

“Women are usually smarter than men. I can see she’s taking good care of you. You’re stronger these days.” Jinyoung commented, still wondering how Mark managed to cope with the events of that day.

“You say that because that kid was killed in front of me.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m relieved that you’re not traumatized or anything. I just think it’s a bit odd.” Jinyoung said sincerely, he didn’t want them to keep secrets from each other. He was aware that reading his lover’s feelings turned out to be a difficult task those days. The American’s mood swings were getting worse by each second.

“It was not like he was my best friend, Jinyoung. He helped letter2u to get to us at some point. I will not waste a single tear for him anymore. There are other more pressing issues to cry about.” Mark said as he gave his boyfriend a sad smile. He was surprised the singer didn’t walk out of that room to confront Jackson outside. He had just revealed to him the atrocious event that took place in Macao. He had finally let out the truth that his lover wanted to know so much. He thought that his reaction was quite atypical and that could not be right.

“Just remember that you’ll never need to see that scum of the earth anymore and the he can never hurt you again. That monstrous teacher of yours might be probably dead by now, burning in hell. You see, when we stop at the U.S for our tour, we can try to find out if he’s still alive, and if he is, we still can do something about it, Mark. He can get what he deserves, okay? Don’t forget I’m with you all the way.” Jinyoung assured his boyfriend, unable to see the internal conflict he was going through. The American had the chance to correct his boyfriend, he could undo that misunderstanding, tell him who really was the culprit and let the Chinese suffer the consequences of his acts. It was now or never.

“What would you do, if you met him in person? What would you say to the one who did that to me?” Mark asked, still unsure of what to do.

“I would have nothing to say to him, Mark. But I can assure you, if that trash showed up before me, it’s more likely one of us would end up dead.” Jinyoung answered darkly and the American sighed frustrated. He still could not tell him the whole truth. He didn’t want another death in his conscience, not so soon.

“Maybe we should get some sleep.” The older suggested, as he laid down and crawled under the covers.

“Don’t you wanna shower, or eat something? I can make you anything you want, just name it.” Jinyoung smiled fondly at him and Mark couldn’t help but smile back. He never felt so lucky to have someone like the singer in his life. He felt lighter after telling him about the rape. Even though it wasn’t the whole truth, he thought his boyfriend would be able to understand him better now. His therapist told him that as soon as he told his new boyfriend what happened, he would certainly be able to move on. He wanted to believe that, he really needed to let go of all that painful anger inside of him.

“I’m full, Jinyoungie. I just ate you, remember? Plus, I don’t feel like showering. I wanna sleep with your smell all over me.” Mark winked at him and that made Jinyoung laugh. He loved the sound of that.

“Get some sleep then. I’m going outside to see how the others are doing, okay? We’ve been locked in here for hours, they might get worried.” Jinyoung said as he pulled a towel from his bag, cleaned the remaining of cum smeared on him and started getting dressed.

“Considering how loud we were, I don’t think they are really worried about our well-being.” Mark chuckled as he watched his boyfriend blush.

“One more reason for me to go out there.” The singer replied, already fearing his bandmates unrelenting teasing. Before he opened the door to leave, he heard Mark’s voice again.

“I love you, Jinnie. Thanks for loving me back.”

“You’re welcome. And by the way, I love you more, Markie.” The Korean said quickly and blew him a kiss. He gave him another fatal smile and left the room, closing the door beside him. As soon as he came out JB eyed him up and down from the dining room. It seemed that the others had ordered food and didn’t bother to invite them for the meal.

“Look who’s here! I left something for you in the fridge. I imagined you would need some nourishment after wasting so much energy.” The leader snickered as he saw Jinyoung’s reaction. The dongsaeng was completely disconcerted.

“Were we that obvious?” the younger asked, his face red as a tomato.

“Do I really have to answer that? The whole building must have heard you two. Some say that danger makes people horny, that’s understandable. However, I just honestly thought you’d spare Jackson of that kind of thing. After all, it’s his place and that’s his ex-boyfriend you were fucking senseless in that room.”

“Look, JB…” the singer started but the leader cut him off.

“Spare me, Jin. I’m not the one you should be apologizing too. By the way, we already made the bedrooms’ arrangements. There’s a YugBam room, a 2Jae room, a MarkJin room obviously, and we had the common sense of letting Jackson have his room by himself.

“Fair enough. So, regarding that 2Jae room, it’s just like the old days, huh? That’s quite a huge step.” Jinyoung smirked at him. His hyung shook his head at him and gave him the finger. But the other just laughed it out.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Go to sleep and get these dirty thoughts out of your head. By the way, I’m glad the two of you are okay. Don’t you ever scare us like that again. We won’t let letter2u have their way with you three, I promise you.” JB stated with determination as his dongsaeng nodded at him appreciatively.

“Good night, Jaebeom-ah.” The singer said as he smiled at his hyung, who walked out of the room.

“Night, Jin.” The other said tiredly as he went into his 2Jae nestle.

Jinyoung knew he had to talk to Jackson and he didn’t want to wait till tomorrow to do it. Then he stopped before his front door and knocked softly on it. The Chinese opened it and let the younger in. As soon as Jinyoung was inside, the rapper turned his back on him and poured some whiskey to both of them. It seemed that would be a long night.